Monday, December 6, 2010

Dear Santa (Dad)

Around Christmas time my parents always ask us kids to give them our lists of what we want for Christmas.  A couple of years ago, I decided that a list just wasn't going to cut it and I wrote out a letter to Santa.  I explained to Santa that even though I'd been a pain and caused my parents a little heartache (this was the year I met my ex) that I had tried to be a good girl and I thought I still deserved a little something for Christmas.  The letter was well received and it became a sort of tradition between my dad and I.

Here is one of his:
Dear Santa Claus,

I have been an extremely good boy this year. I helped my daughter have a great wedding and worked hard to help my son find and get into his very own home. I even buy my kids dinner most every Saturday night! What a great dad!

For these reasons I deserve everything on my Christmas List.

1)       A brand new Toyota Camry Hybrid (2008). Prefer a gray exterior with leather interiors. Must have Blue Tooth capabilities, a great stereo system, sun roof, and a GPS system.
2)       A new, top of the line Dell Laptop. The fastest, most fully loaded laptop you can find. I really only want this so that my dear sweet wife can have my laptop. She wants it so bad.
3)       A top of the line Garmin GPS unit.
4)       A finished bathroom and office in my basement. (Thanks for the flat screen last year)
5)       Covered patio on the back of the house.
6)       New furniture for my TV room.

You might consider some of these gifts to be unreasonably expensive. If so here are a few other options.

1)       “The Forgotten Carols” DVD.
2)       A BYU sweatshirt, large.
3)       The final season of “Star Trek Voyager” on DVD.
4)       The final season of “M*A*S*H” on DVD
5)       “Remington Steele” on DVD (second season or later)
6)       Earphones for my IPOD. The kind that are very soft in the ear.
7)       Good warm gloves.

For those things that won’t fit under my tree it is ok to have them in the driveway or attached to the back of the house.

Thanks so much Santa!

To me, it is readily apparent that my dad has a great sense of humor and is incredibly loving by this short, funny letter and just really shows the type of relationship I have with him.

This year I'd like to write a different type of letter to my parents, specifically my dad.
Dear Santa,
I know this past year has been a hard one.  A lot of things have changed and you have had to watch your little girl go through a lot.  Not to mention what you've had to go through as a direct result, but I need you to know I'm not the same little girl that used to crawl up on your lap and give you Eskimo kisses or the same girl that really only wanted rollerblades or a Pop Star Melody doll for Christmas.  I'm not even the same girl that let you follow her on her road trip this last year because you just couldn't let go.
I know it has been hard for you to watch me go through this, to see me making all of these changes and decisions that you don't agree with and decisions that you feel directly affect you.  You've done the possible best you could at teaching me how to be a good person and how to live a good life and I have all the respect for you in the world, but it is time now to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. 
I wish I could fully explain to you why I don't believe anymore and why I struggle with the idea that there is even a God.  In a lot of ways I feel like its me returning the favor and protecting you from things that I know will hurt you.  I don't know what is worse, letting you believe that I'm rebelliously throwing away your beliefs and our chance at a forever family - or having you find out that something you've devoted your entire life to is nothing but magical made up stories that cover up a lot of lies.  I do know that it is something you would only accept if you were ready for it.
I don't know that you'd believe me if  I told you I'd been a good girl this last year, but I have been.  I've finally been working on being true to who I am and I know that I've made mistakes, but I also know that I'm a better person because of them.  I'm still doing my best to be who you taught me to be and to make you proud.
For Christmas this year all I really want is for you to realize that my decisions and mistakes are not a result of "bad parenting" or any representation of you failing.  I would like you to be proud of me no longer being a little girl and taking my steps out into the real world.  I would like you to accept me for me and to no longer feel like I have to sensor myself to make you happy.  I want you to know that I love and respect you and that sometimes I wish I could make your beliefs fit in my head just so you didn't feel like you had somehow failed me, but I know that wouldn't be living up to who you've taught me to be.

I love you Santa (Daddy).
Your little Sunshine.

3 comments:

  1. Wow! That was really, really cool.

    ReplyDelete
  2. take out this sentence: I don't know what is worse, letting you believe that I'm rebelliously throwing away your beliefs and our chance at a forever family - or having you find out that something you've devoted your entire life to is nothing but magical made up stories that cover up a lot of lies. I do know that it is something you would only accept if you were ready for it.

    and then send it. its honest and caring and might help

    ReplyDelete