Thursday, September 30, 2010

Family (Isn't It About Time?)

As I said before, I have been a doubter/unbeliever since I was about 14 years old; however, up until I moved away from home to go to college, I was a very active member.  In my hearts of hearts I knew that things really didn't add up, but I also wanted it to be true.

Looking back on that now, I realize in many ways how messed up that really is.

The LDS church is great because it  really focuses on the family.

...until your parents don't want you to join the church, your sibling/parent/child decides to leave it, or if they do some horrendous crime such as murder or become gay (because those are the same thing, right?).

My brother is 5 years older than me and to say that it was apparent that he was never really interested in the church would be an understatement.  Finally, when he left for college it came out that he wasn't going to go on a mission and when he came back home, it was apparent that he wasn't going to go to church either.  Now, a quick salute to my parents... this never changed anything for them.  Sure, they badgered a little bit, but not a lot and they still made it very apparent that he was their son and they loved him (and not in a "despite you're not righteous" sort of way).

When my brother stopped going to church, I really struggled with the idea of the Celestial Kingdom.  So far in my life, I had done all the right things.  I had gotten baptized, I attended church weekly, read my scriptures, etc. so for all intents and purposes, if the Mormon church was true, I was on the path to the Celestial Kingdom.

Where did that leave my brother? ... and my sister who also strayed? my aunts who smoke? my cousin who had sex before marriage and got married civilly at 16?

I thought families were forever.

The hymn that I had sang in church all my life had no clauses in it that said "except your brother, sister, aunt, cousin who all are sinners."

It may seem silly, but I remember sitting in bed at night praying and just crying to God.  Telling him that I didn't want my brother to go to a different kingdom than me, even if people said I could visit.  I looked around at the "perfect" families in the ward where (so far) nobody had strayed and I was so jealous, I wanted a forever family.

Remind me why I wanted the LDS church to be true?

Sounds like a lot of emotional carnage to me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The secret to finding a good husband...

So I know that everyone has been dying to know this and I was lucky enough to be in on a conversation where divine revelation was involved.

So this girl goes into see her bishop because she is getting a little up in years (being 25 and all...) and she still hasn't found her eternal companion.  She asks the bishop if he has any suggestions on how to help her find her lovey dovey priesthood leader and the heavens opened, Jesus spoke to the bishop and this is what he suggested.

"Well, I've noticed that you always seem to be in workout clothes."

"You think that might be making a difference?"

"Yeah, why don't you try dressing up a little bit."

... and there you have it girls... make sure to NEVER dress down, never let a guy see you without makeup, and god forbid! never have a bad hair day or you'll have to stick with your dad always being the patriarch of your family.

But here's the good news! Once you get married, you can let yourself go!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Shocking... I know.

I now own exactly 3 tank tops... and as I result I think I'm probably going straight to hell.

I guess I have misunderstood this particular aspect of Mormonism for quite some time.  Okay, okay, I get the modesty thing - I shouldn't go around with my breasts hanging out, but seriously what is wrong with a little shoulder?

Back when I was a participating Mormon (for lack of a better term), I remember having this conversation with a boyfriend who was about to leave for his mission.  He came over one night right before I was going to bed and here's some news for ya, I sleep in a tank top. (Oh Lord, send the angels to REBUKE ME!)

Now get this... he asked me to cover up.

Rather embarrassed, I headed to my room and grabbed a jacket.  However, I wasn't just going to let that slide.  So I asked him, "Seriously, what is the big deal?" (Flashing a little teasing shoulder while I was at it.)

...and this is what he tells me.  "Well, it's not so much the shoulder.  It's that the shoulders are connected to the chest and... well, *blush* we both know what is connected to your chest."

Okay, I get it.  Shoulders = Boobs.  Makes perfect sense.

I'm so glad the general authorities thought this one through (back in the early 1900s) and made the connection that because the young men in the church would go all hog wild if I flashed a little seductive shoulder that we should at all times (except while swimming) keep them covered... but why stop there?  Damn it, we should get these young woman some burqas... because ya know, your fingers are connected to your hand and your hand is connected to your forearm and good god, we know it all goes downhill from there.

Don't even get me started on the ankles.  I do my best to keep mine covered because I would hate for someone to just lose it over my Achilles heel.

Monday, September 20, 2010

This is about me. This is not about you.

I was talking to some friends tonight and I realized that I wanted to have a blog where I could talk about and make observations about things that aren't necessarily welcome in most company.  I'm mainly talking about religion, but other things might come up as well.
The first thing I want to establish though is that this is about me.  This is not about you.  These thoughts about beliefs belong to me and while they may seem off to or might even offend you, it has nothing to do with you.  I am completely open to a discussion, but I'm not going to argue and more than likely you're not going to change my mind and I'm not even going to try and change yours.  Deal?  Deal.

To start this off, I'll give a little background.
I am a born and raised Utahn.  Up until I was 18 and went off to college, I lived in a 3 mile radius and was even born down the street from the house I grew up in.  Consequently, I went to college about 45 minutes away from where I grew up... still in Utah.  While at college, I met someone and got married.  Three years later, I found myself filing for divorce.
I was raised in the LDS church, but I do not consider myself a Mormon unless you want to talk about baptismal dates and whether or not I've removed my records from the church.  I'm sure as this blog goes on I will talk about specific reasons why I am no longer Mormon.  To be brief, I don't believe that it is true.
I have been a nonbeliever since I was 14 years old.  I stopped attending church when I went to college at 18. As of now at 23, my records still are in the church, but I consider myself officially out.
My exit from the church has not been traumatic.  I haven't been offended, I'm not just having a hard time because of my divorce, I don't want to sin, and I don't have a demon whispering things to me in my ear.  Are we clear?  Okay good.

To start things off, I will give you the final tipping of the scale for me in regards to deciding that I didn't believe the church was true.
Last November, while I was separated from my husband I moved in with my parents and attended church a couple of times.  I was sitting there in Gospel Principles listening to "The Fall of Adam and Eve" and the belief that basically God gave us two commandments that contradicted each other and basically either one we chose, we were screwed.

Which brings me to my first belief:  I don't believe in a God that would try to trick me.