Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Shocking... I know.

I now own exactly 3 tank tops... and as I result I think I'm probably going straight to hell.

I guess I have misunderstood this particular aspect of Mormonism for quite some time.  Okay, okay, I get the modesty thing - I shouldn't go around with my breasts hanging out, but seriously what is wrong with a little shoulder?

Back when I was a participating Mormon (for lack of a better term), I remember having this conversation with a boyfriend who was about to leave for his mission.  He came over one night right before I was going to bed and here's some news for ya, I sleep in a tank top. (Oh Lord, send the angels to REBUKE ME!)

Now get this... he asked me to cover up.

Rather embarrassed, I headed to my room and grabbed a jacket.  However, I wasn't just going to let that slide.  So I asked him, "Seriously, what is the big deal?" (Flashing a little teasing shoulder while I was at it.)

...and this is what he tells me.  "Well, it's not so much the shoulder.  It's that the shoulders are connected to the chest and... well, *blush* we both know what is connected to your chest."

Okay, I get it.  Shoulders = Boobs.  Makes perfect sense.

I'm so glad the general authorities thought this one through (back in the early 1900s) and made the connection that because the young men in the church would go all hog wild if I flashed a little seductive shoulder that we should at all times (except while swimming) keep them covered... but why stop there?  Damn it, we should get these young woman some burqas... because ya know, your fingers are connected to your hand and your hand is connected to your forearm and good god, we know it all goes downhill from there.

Don't even get me started on the ankles.  I do my best to keep mine covered because I would hate for someone to just lose it over my Achilles heel.


  1. *giggle*

    First, I love that you've started this blog. You. Are. Wonderful.

    Second, I'm absolutely level with you on the entire issue. I was always very careful to wear very modest clothing (for a variety of reasons...), even when I was swimming. T-shirt and shorts? Sure! But now? Not so much. Tasteful, but open-minded.

  2. Well, you know, your ankles are connected to your legs and your legs are connected to all sorts of things that tempt us guys, front and back!

  3. Man, you men are animals! No wonder us women have to do everything in our power to keep you in line because you obviously can't take care of it yourself. :-P

  4. It's the slippery slope argument...grrr. That's so ridiculous! I would've told him where to go and how to get there!!!! It's his choice to go to the shoulders to the chest connection. It's always HIS choice. I hate that horrible misogynistic idea that women are the keepers of men's virtue and morality. You SOB, grow your own brain and conscience! Grrr.

  5. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha! You're awesome sauce!