Saturday, February 4, 2012

Nowhere to put this...

So for the few people that still read this, I'm sorry that I'm so boring and uninformative - and that all you get is the things that have no place in my "real life."  Today I have 3 topics for you...

1.  Smoking.
I don't smoke a lot, but I do occasionally have a cigarette or 2.  In the year and a half that Justin and I have been together, I've probably smoked a total of 10 cigarettes give or take.  I had one today... Sometimes - all it takes is just one little cigarette and the world feels allllllright.  I still don't like the smell (except when it's on Justin's breath... weird, I know) and I'll never need it, but I love having the right to indulge a little.

2.  Jack Mormons.
Jack Mormons... well - they're alright.  I've had a lot of trouble with my brother's jack mormon girlfriend lately.  Her and my brother are soon-to-be engaged, and at 28 years old, her father is requiring that my brother ask for her hand.  Not only that, but a religious discussion will ensue since my brother is an atheist aka heathen.  THIS bothers me a ton.  The girl claims to hold to her faith, but she drinks, has "intimate relations" with my brother, and pretty much lives with him - but denies this to everyone that could possibly judge her for it.  It drives me nuts.  I have never met anyone so hypocritical as she is - she even claims that she's not inactive, even though she hasn't been to church more than three or four times in the last year.  Talk about some cog dis... so yes, not so much a fan of Jack Mormons these days - even though I do like her as a person.

3.  Parents of the faith.
I had a "run in" with my mother last weekend and I was finally able to say some things to her that had been a long time coming.  She asked me if I even believe in God anymore.  I told her that I wouldn't answer that question and asked why she was asking.  She said, "To see how far gone you are."  To which I replied, "To see how far gone I am??? (She interrupts.) No mom, you need to listen to me.  You have been nothing but disrespectful to me in the last year and a half.  Questioning my morality, my character, my ability to be my own person - accusing me of swaying in the wind to whoever is around me.  Do you think it has been EASY for me to disappoint you?  Do you think this has been EASY for me?  I am a good person.  I make good decisions - and I am happy."  (Paraphrasing of course, but I did say all of those things to her).  I'm hoping it cleared the air a little bit.
My dad has yet to talk to me about it at all.  I wonder if my mom gets the brunt of my frustration because she is actually willing to talk to me, or if it is her that is behind all of the worrying for my salvation.  I really need to sit down and have a talk with both of them one of these days.

That's it....

I'm grateful for this little place in my life for all the things that have nowhere to go.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE what you said to your mom. I hope she gets it, and she understands...

    Jack Mormon frustrate me too... I understand being afraid of judgment. I understand not wanting to disappoint people. I understand not knowing what you think or what you believe and trying to sort it all out... But I couldn't live like that. I couldn't say I believed and then not do live that way - it was literally driving me insane. I think that's why it frustrates me so much.